Joys, trials and tribulations of fathers

Published December 20, 2011

The Gleaner Positive Parenting

We live in the second decade of the 21^st century, where unfortunately for some men, smart phones, smart cars and smart everything under the sun seem to hold more value than shouldering the responsibility of being a ‘dad’. 

Not these dads who spoke to Positive Parenting.

 

Lloyd Fennell epitomises a man, who played his role as a dad and rose to the occasion when he was left to raise his three children.

Fennell got married in 1979 and the union with his wife blessed them with two daughters and a son. “We had our own little home, things weren’t smooth, but got along fairly well,” recalled Fennell, his eyes seemed to wander into the past as he spoke.

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“When my youngest daughter was two years old, their mother left,” informed Fennell. He did not shy away or give up but made the best of the frugal resources and strived for the best even when the resources dried up.

LEARNING EXPERIENCE

Bearing the responsibility of the children was a learning experience. “With two girls, I learnt to guard them, and since I didn’t have sisters or aunts to help me, I also learnt to comb their hair for school.”

The 64-year-old, who born in Kingston, grew up in Retrieve district, St James, Fennell spent most of his time with his great-grandmother. “She taught me to cook, wash my clothes, without that upbringing I wouldn’t have managed,” he said, adding that he cooked for the children. “They used to love my cooking, they still do,” he said with a smile.

His inculcating good habits and being God-fearing as the driving factors, “We always emphasised on church and spirituality and ensured that we went the church regularly,” Fennell said.  

The single father and his children found happiness in the simple pleasures of life and forged a bond in each others company. “We didn’t have a television at home; we spend time playing a lot of games and listening to news on the radio.”

Fennell who attended an All Age school, said that he always strived to educate his children,  however big the sacrifice was. “Education was the most I could give them,” he said “I used to go to my bosses and ask for a loan to pay the school. It was deducted from me over time, schooling was a must.

“At first it was a scary situation,” reminiscences Garfield Richards when his elder daughter was born in 2005.

This ‘scare’ was more of anxiety of a first time father; Richards and his wife were in the United Kingdom pursuing their respective degrees and working. “I used to think how I will adapt, will I be able to do things for her,” Richards said.

The transition was smooth, “Doing everything for not for myself, it was challenging,” he said.

Slowly Richards found bearings and pleasure in bringing up his daughter. “She would wake up at odd times, I used to carry the bottle to bed, feed her and make her fall back asleep, it was tiring but blissful.”

As the young couple celebrated the arrival of the bundle of joy a rude shock struck them, Richards lost his job. He decided to set up his own business when they returned to Jamaica, and started working his life back.

He and his wife were blessed with a son, who is 6 months old now, and Richards is back to waking up to feed and put his son to bed several times in the night.

His wife travels to work from Manchester to Kingston every day, they are up at 3 a.m. and it is his responsibility to make their daughter get ready, feed breakfast and then drop her off to school.  

“Having to get up and see two kids looking at you, come and dive into the bed, they come and play and try and wake you up as I pretend to sleep, I couldn’t ask for more blessings.”

TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS

Fennell and Richards come from different socio economic backgrounds and been in different circumstances, but they share the same passion, that of placing their children first before themselves.

“I feel it is very important as a father to be there for your child,” said Richards.

Fennell on the other hand lived his set of trials and tribulations, his son died under tragic circumstances in 2000, which left a big void in his life. “It was devastating,” he recalled, his voice trailing. “But he lives with me, there is a picture of him that I keep at all times and at home too…He is there everywhere.” 

Richards is looking forward to bringing up their two children and sharing all the joys of the world with them.

“Joy of seeing Jordan, 6 month old creeping and crawling gives me so much bliss,” he said.

For Fennell, who’s a grandfather now, the journey has been worth it.“I am sure I did a good job under the circumstances, they (his daughters) will attest to that.”

“What really gives me gratification is that they have grown wings and learn to fly,” he said. “They can keep above the waters.”