Dealing with tantrums

Published December 20, 2011

The Gleaner Positive Parenting

 

There are degrees and variation in which a child expresses emotions, happiness and sadness alike. But when the crying becomes uncontrollable, without provocation, the reasons could be much more than meet the eye.

It is normal for the children to cry but sometime this can become habit forming or if the child resorts to tantrum throwing, it can possibly lead to frustration and meltdown.

“There are levels of crying, and it might be physical expression of frustration,” says Dr Pauline Milbourn, paediatric psychiatrist, former director of Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services in the Ministry of Health. 

Photo: stock.xchng

A child may throw tantrums for many reasons, from the need and want to acquire something to sickness.

“The child could be having fever, headache or an upset stomach that can trigger tantrums,” Dr Milbourn says. “This behaviour could be out of hunger or overtiredness too.”

Most times, this outburst happens when the parents take their children shopping. The temptations are strewn all around them - from candies to toys which are strategically kept in the supermarket shelves at a level where it catches the eye of the child. The drama begins here and it becomes an embarrassing situation for the parents.

IGNORE THEM

Dr Milbourn recommends redress for this situation. Pay them no attention. 

“Tantrum needs an audience, so it is best to ignore and walk away,” she says. “This should stop the spell.”

But it is imperative, she says, to ensure that the child is safe. “Keep an eye and hover around to check.”

If the behaviour is uncontrollable, then it is best to leave the shopping cart and take the child to the car and wait for this phase to pass. “You need to be firm and resolute and encourage the child to show good behaviour, so that they are rewarded for it.”

She adds, however, that all tantrum situations cannot be avoided and advised that it would be a good idea to keep the child occupied by giving him or her a toy or a book to read.

Tantrums, according to Dr Milbourn, could also be as a result of the parents bid to ‘profile’ and outdo their colleagues, neighbours or peers. “That is the worst disservice parents can do, the children are caught in the middle and develop a sense of superiority complex.”

At the end of the day the children do not grow up to be responsible citizens.

Dr Milbourn, who discourages use of the rod, says to end any tantrum it is important to look at alternate strategies. “Hitting will not achieve anything, it might make the situation worst,” adding that a gentle rap on the wrists acceptable.

PERSEVERANCE

Addressing tantrums requires a lot of perseverance.

“Parenting requires a lot of patience, and any issue needs to tackled via dialogue,” she said. “Approach the subject when you have cooled down,” is her advice to parents who feel they are at wits' end with their child’s behaviour.

If the If the situation is reaching a boiling point and the parent or parents are not able to address the issue, then they should seek assistance. “There are parenting groups, even in the church that you attend, where there will be people to guide and counsel.”

Dr Milbourn recommends instilling good values in children, and emphasises faith and purpose. “Worship and praying always makes a difference, take the principles of the faith you follow and teach the children to accept and be happy with what they have.”